The Remorseful Arrancar
by EspressoEmpress
Summary: To put it in Arashi's words, "I really fucked up." A girl dies, a lotus blooms. An Arrancar is born, and makes a deal to get back home. Grimmjow makes some trouble, everyone else promptly freaks out. OC. Post-Aizen.
1. The Girl

**A new project. Substitute "spiritual pressure" for "reiatsu", s'il vous plait. **

**A girl dies.  
**

* * *

_The Girl_

"Frailty, thy name is woman." Hamlet, Act I Scene ii

She fell right in front of me. I heard her chain rattle as she hit the ground. I tried to wiggle free; the metal of the melted sedan dug into my ribs. I cried out, and slapped a hand over my mouth too late.

The hollow turned to look at me, but returned its gaze to the girl a moment later. It thundered past me and I almost sighed with relief.

I wrenched my foot out of the wreckage and threw myself on the sidewalk.

The girl screamed.

My mouth opened to call the hollow, taunt and goad until it left her alone. No sound came out. She had brown hair and a red shirt. And powerful lungs.

I pressed my lips together and ran as the hollow tore her apart.

I hid behind a corner and listened, silently, to her screams, as I prayed:

_Don't take me._

The sound of flesh being wrenched apart made me cover my ears.

_Don't take me._

It's muffled roar shook the walls.

_Don't take me._

* * *

"Yasu!"

My eyes rolled to the front of the class. I had been silent the whole day, roiling wordlessly at the nonchalance of my classmates. They were blissfully ignorant of everything that mattered. Of the girl, the hollows, even of me and my wallowing cowardice. They offended me to my core.

The teacher looked at me, expecting something.

"Yes? I apologize; can you repeat the question?"

He grimaced. "Miss Yasu, I asked you to translate this passage." He pointed to the unfocused words on the blackboard.

I squinted.

"Frailty thy name is woman?" I guessed with raised eyebrows.

"I'm afraid not," he replied. "Kubara!" The student to my right straightened in his seat.

"Yes?"

"Can you translate the passage?"

"Ah, yes, I think…" He stumbled through a broken, nonetheless-correct translation.

I scowled and fought the rising blush in my cheeks. So he could translate Latin. Could he lift a sword, or see the monsters of this world?

The bell rang, and I left for home.

* * *

Barely a second inside, my mother tossed me a broom - I dropped my pack to catch it.

"En garde!" she smiled, and took up a stance with her own broom. She hopped from foot to foot, nimble and pixie-like.

"Mom, I really don't-"

"I'm home after three weeks and that's all you have to say?" she said, hand over her heart. "You wound me! Defend yourself!"

Grinning, she lunged. Her hair flew. I deflected and cast my eyes around.

"Where's dad? Dad!"

"Here," he called from the bathroom. "Listen to your mother, Ara."

Mom smirked and thrust her faux-sword at my chest. I knocked it to the side.

"No, really," I insisted. "You guys don't know-"

"Don't know what?" she asked. Her arm dropped.

"Yesterday," I started. A toilet flush heralded the arrival of my father. He was strongly built, with black hair and a short nose.

"What happened yesterday?" he asked. They were both suddenly on edge, ready to sigh in relief or gasp in shock.

"A hollow."

They blanched.

"Dear God," dad said.

"Did it hurt anyone? Did it hurt you?" mom asked urgently.

"No," I lied, and swallowed. "But I couldn't do anything. I felt… useless." I spat the last word like venom.

"There was nothing you _could_ do," mom said. "And no harm was done." She held my face between her palms and looked deep into my eyes. I nodded despite the guilt in my stomach. They couldn't know. I could have saved that girl - done something, called someone.

"I knew we shouldn't have left," my father hissed. "I could've filed the report by myself."

"Riku," mom said, and dad's face turned. "She's fine. No harm done." She repeated, eyes flashing.

"She's not a soul reaper, Helen. She needs one of us here at all times."

"I know kido," I muttered in protest, but it didn't seem to matter. I was the daughter of two soul reapers, or more precisely, their gigais. I wasn't a soul reaper, or even a substitute; just a person with reiatsu and a few kido.

I tugged on my braid, bleached blond from root to tip. I concentrated on it as my parents argued back and forth like I wasn't in the room.

I went to bed.

* * *

Wind blew through the open window and tickled the pictures on the wall. I stared at the ceiling, hands on my stomach.

The girl's face wouldn't leave my mind's eye. She smiled off to the side, perhaps just to my left or right, but not at me. She took the hand of a beautiful woman - her mother, perhaps - and disappeared into white. Only to reappear and torture me with a bleeding face, her screams… And then, again, unharmed, this time in the arms of a stunning man clad in black. Her wedding day, and yet still young. And again, torn apart, right in front of me.

I couldn't close my eyes, so I laid awake, roiling in my guilt and anger until the sun came up.

* * *

My parents greeted me sullenly at breakfast.

School was the same.

I walked home along a familiar route, and stopped in front of a small candy shop. The door slid open, and a cat exited. Black, with yellow eyes. I bowed.

"Yoruichi."

The cat nodded back.

"Miss Yasu."

I continued on my way, wondering where she and her master had been yesterday. Where had _they_ been when the hollow devoured that girl?

I turned the question on myself - where had_ I_ been? Cowering in a corner. No, the fault was mine, not Yoruichi's.

I reached my house and went inside. Before I could shut the door behind me, the ground shook. A wave of malevolent reiatsu pricked my skin.

A roar sent a pang of fear through my chest. A hollow. Another one. But where? It sounded close. I spun around.

"Oh. Right there."

And like that, I died.

* * *

As the daughter of two soul reapers, looking at my dead body didn't shock me as much as it did other souls. But the chain sprouting from my chest made my blood freeze in its veins.

"Please, no."

I shook my blood-soaked body, tried to go back in, but it was useless.

The hollow had struck with a spear-like arm, torn out my heart. I looked up as it readied another blow.

I could have responded in anger with a kido, even managed to flash step to Urahara's.

But instead, I glared up, shook my chain, and barked, "Kill me, you f-"

To my chagrin, it succeeded.

Even worse, when I woke up, I was surrounded by the white sands and black sky of, unmistakably, Hueco Mundo.


	2. The Funeral

**In which a girl rises.**

* * *

_The Funeral_

Wind rustled the small hillside. It drifted over the procession, tugged at a loose strand of blond hair.

"Would you like to say a few words?" said the priest to the parents. They stepped forward. Helen brushed the stray hairs off her daughter's face.

"Goodbye, my sweet girl."

Slowly, the face vanished as the casket closed.

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust…"

The priest sprinkled dirt and holy water over the grave as it descended.

Helen and Riku Yusa held each other and watched. With a bow, the priest offered both his hands, which they took; he shook them and said a few more comforting words they couldn't hear, before departing.

Helen looked around at the small gathering, comprised of mortal acquaintances. They did not know the sting of death as she did.

"My friends, I have seen death before," she began. They were all solemn; some bowed their heads. "Yet, to my eyes, this… this seems like a lie, or an illusion. A mother's worst nightmare now lies at my feet - her own child's grave." Her voice broke, and she almost collapsed to her knees and screamed. But she was a soul reaper, and stood fast.

"I'm sorry to grieve you all," she said. "This is not something I ever thought I would see."

She laid a hand on the marble gravestone, blank for the time being.

Her husband faced the group. "Would you all leave us? Please. We would like time to…" he trailed off, but his meaning carried. Murmurs and nods accompanied the group's slow departure.

When they were out of sight, figures flashed onto the grass. They wore funerary kimono and swords on their hips.

"Our companions have come to pay their respects," Riku said gently.

Helen brushed herself off.

"Riku and Helen Yasu." A man with bright red hair and facial tattoos bent into a deep bow. "My deepest condolences to you both."

"Lieutenant Abarai!" Riku said, astonished.

Helen put a hand on Renji's shoulder. "Please, there is no need to bow to us, Lieutenant-"

"There is," he asserted, face aimed at the ground. "You have lost a child. There is nothing that demands deeper respect."

He nonetheless righted himself.

The mourning mother and father turned to his companions. Several seated officers of Squad six greeted them with similar bows.

Finally, Byakuya Kuchiki stepped forward, devoid of gravitas and kenseikan.

"Captain," Helen murmured. Tears ran free down her face.

"Please accept my deepest condolences," he said. His eyes closed, and he bowed his head.

They were all silent for a moment before the Captain stood straight again.

"Forgive me," Helen said, "but why are you all here? Surely we are not worthy of this visit."

"You are. But we're also under direct orders from Head Captain Yamamoto," Renji replied. "Recent events convinced him that a full team of soul reapers should always be stationed here in Karakura. We have gladly taken up the responsibility."

"You're a little late," Riku snapped. He averted his eyes, glaring instead out at the dim horizon. The beginnings of a sunrise tinged the clouds bloody red.

Renji did not respond to the words; he forgave them instantly, as they were said in anger; the uncontrollable anger of a grieving father.

"We are sorry that it had to come to this," Captain Kuchiki said.

Riku gave a stiff nod.

One by one, the seated officers came forward and threw white camellias into the open grave.

"We will take our leave of you," said the Captain with unusual deference as he made to leave.

He stopped and became statuesque - frozen.

"This reiatsu," Renji said in a quiet, slow voice.

They all looked.

Not thirty paces away, a white figure broke the horizon and surfaced on the hillside.

They waited for it to approach.

Renji put a hand on his sword, but a small flicker of a gesture from the Captain made him stop.

Byakuya, though he said nothing, sensed conflicting energies within the spirit. Like fighting currents, two distinct sides fused together, endlessly spinning, battling for control.

Too fine for another to detect, or perhaps too cloaked. The reiatsu was hidden well from the others. He waited patiently.

As it grew closer, it became clearer but no more recognizable, wrapped in the loose white linen of a soul's kimono, and hooded.

It stopped at the graveside.

A gentle breeze blew.

It stepped forward, dropped, and sunk into the casket.

No one breathed.

A rustling, and a loud thump made them jump.

"What?" Helen squeaked.

Renji was the first to act. Hair flying, he leapt into the grave and slammed Zabimaru's hilt down on the lock. He opened the casket.

White arms wrapped around his neck, and he almost drew his sword. The next moment, he realized he was being embraced.

"Thank you," the corpse whispered.

Eyes wide, he climbed out and lay her on the grass. He put a finger under her nose. Arashi was breathing.

"Impossible."

Byakuya knelt beside her and observed as Renji checked the eyes.

"Were they always that color?" he asked the stunned mother. She didn't move. Renji turned back to the body. With a careful glance at his Captain, he opened Arashi's kimono and cut the bandages that bound her chest wound. He found only smooth flesh.

"Completely healed," he murmured. "What the hell is this?" He sounded frightened to Byakuya's ears; a rare occasion.

"We will need to examine her," the Captain advised, eyes fixed not on the girl, but on the mother. She nodded.

"Please do," she choked. "But don't take her away." Byakuya took her meaning; don't take her away _again_.

"Once she's strong enough, we'll take her to Urahara," Renji said. "Right now, I'm worried that her soul isn't strong enough to survive an examination. I didn't even see a soul chain on that thing." He pointed a thumb at the hill to refer to the soul.

"We… we'll take her home, then," Riku said. He looked dazed. Like his wife, he made no motion to go to his daughter's side.

They were frightened. What kind of soul could return from the dead, unharmed?

"Ara," Helen whispered, "what happened to you?"


	3. Broken

**In Hueco Mundo. A flashback.**

* * *

Broken

So, I died on my own doorstep.

My parents might have found me, and cried.

They would be too late.

No konso.

I lay there in the sand for an untold time, before a gnawing metal clinking made me remember-

"Oh. I have a few hours."

I looked at my chest. The chain links were eating each other. In three days, the chain would vanish and leave a hole. I would be consumed by base instinct and become a hollow.

Mutinying against my wishes to remain supine, my legs made me stand.

"Maybe if I walk long enough I'll find a hollow or a gillian to kill me," I wondered aloud.

I kicked the sand.

The moon taunted me from its pedestal in the starless sky. Lined horizon of black and white stretched in every direction, a featureless place. An expanse unmapped, unknown, and infinitely unkind.

A void.

It nipped at my exposed skin like thousands of needles pricked with despair.

I screamed, clutched my head, eyes shut.

Frustration sated for the time being, I started to walk.

* * *

The Fourth Hour

Sand leaked into my shoes, and my thoughts turned from my own death to the girl's. Perhaps it was karma. My failure to save the girl, or to act, or even to look on as she died - I didn't offer her even that courtesy.

If this was my punishment, it was justified, but disproportionate.

I raged at the inequity.

* * *

The Tenth Hour

Still I walked, now a soul, more resistant to exhaustion. The girl plagued my steps; when she didn't, visions of my own body flickered in front of me - bloodied, fragile, dead. _Aren't we all?_

I walked, step by step. Girl. Me. Girl. Me. Rarely, constructions of my parents' sobbing faces flashed across my eyelids.

Girl. Me. Girl. Me…

* * *

The Twenty-Fifth Hour

I wondered what the sand was; Silicon, as it was on Earth? If it burned, would it turn to glass?

After a few minutes I started thinking it was ash. Or just dust.

Then I thought… it was all crushed bone.

* * *

The Thirtieth Hour

I stole behind the dead tree and cloaked my reiatsu. A hollow bubbled up from the ground like a black pustule and solidified. I had felt it coming.

I breathed deep and tried to calm my clattering chain. I extended an arm and focused my energy.

"Hado, number 33: Sokatsui!"

A flash of blue fire, and the hollow burned to dust. I stared at the ashes for a moment, contemplated the bitter victory, and kept walking.

_Why didn't I do that to the other hollow?_ I wondered. _Why did I let it kill me?_

Maybe I really had wanted to die.

* * *

The Forty-Second Hour

Thoughts turned sour in my head, like apples left in the sun.

_My parents never loved me, did they?_

Vaguely, I was aware of the vitriol. But only vaguely.

_To think I entrusted my life with them for sixteen years, and when it really mattered, they weren't there…_

* * *

Fifty-Six

_Even if they could've saved me, they wouldn't have. Them, or the damn cat, or Urahara, or that useless clown with the bow and arrow. None of them care that I'm gone._

* * *

Sixty

_My chain is so short now._

Maybe I could think about good things in my life to make it last a bit longer…

* * *

Sixty-One

_Not working._

* * *

Sixty-Eight

_I'm very scared. I'll be gone soon. I'll start killing people. My parents won't recognize me. I can feel my cheeks going hard. Oh God. My mask is forming, isn't it? I can't tell anymore… everything is so numb._

* * *

Seventy

I stopped walking and fell into the sand. I waited for death to take me.

_Why is death so slow when you're waiting for it? Maybe it's like a visitor. You sit by the window, expecting it to turn up at any second, then it leaves you waiting… Death is a real bitch._

* * *

Seventy-One

_That damned girl again. I thought she was gone. I'll gladly become a hollow if it means she won't haunt me anymore._

The left side of my face ground into the sand; I had long since gone numb to the feeling.

_Won't be long, now._

* * *

Seventy-Two

_Here we are. The end. The end of civilized thought and being, the end of beauty, the end of remorse._

At that, what remained of my face curdled.

Could I really run from my guilt so easily? I thought, frustrated, awestruck, and sullen.

**No. **A voice that was not my own answered.

_I should not run from my guilt? _I replied with my mind, mouth too hardened to speak.

**Yes.**

_Then I will carry it with me. I will remember._

**Good.**

* * *

**Wake.**

Eyes opened.

**Stand.**

Legs uncoiled. A head searched for the voice.

**I am within you.**

Dumbly, it pawed its ear.

**Cease.**

The command compelled it to stop.

**Tell me.**

Its head tilted in confusion.

**Tell me who you are.**

It searched within, and could only find the voice. Nothing else remained. Lacking the words to express its sorrow, the creature pulled back its head and wailed.

**Cease.**

It blinked blank eyes and was silent.

**Speak.**

It could not; it had no words.

**Speak, and tell me who you are.**

In desperate frustration, the creature gathered its power and screeched. A gust of wind burst across the landscape and tore through the dunes of sand.

The winds whispered, and carried words of their own:

_Arashi Yasu._

**That is your name. Now tell me who you are.**

The creature repeated the powerful motion.

_Guilty._

It shrunk from that word; it bore a sad, frightful meaning.

**No. That is not who you are.**

Fearfully, haltingly, the creature ventured with another gust of wind:

_Then who?_

**You are alive.**

With that, the voice faded.


	4. Reborn

_Reborn_

The creature walked around despondently, crying out for the voice. It screeched, and a gale spiraled up into the endless night.

_Where are you?_

A feeling stirred in its skull.

**I am here.**

The voice sounded annoyed.

**You are like a child. **It chided. The creature hung its head.

**Why did you call me?**

A pulse of energy brought a troubled breeze:

_Missed you._

**Why?**

_You give hope._

The creature was honest, and it was perhaps this that made the voice pause.

**That is good to know. Thank you, Arashi.**

_That is a name?_

**It is your name, Arashi.**

_Your name?_

**No, **_**your**_ **name.**

The creature's head tilted, and it tried a whisper of a word-

_My?_

**Yes.**

* * *

Arashi, head comfortably filled by the voice, walked along the sand. It looked up curiously at the moon as it jogged, almost sprightly, to the shadow of a great structure.

The pillar was solid white and impossibly tall. Arashi placed a hand on its surface. Smooth, and hard to the touch.

It caught sight of its own limb and started. It pulsed its reiatsu in surprise and brought up wind.

_What is that?_

**Your hand, Arashi.** The voice sighed.

Amazed, Arashi studied it. The color of fair ivory, like the tower, and jointed. It clenched into a fist. Curious, Arashi punched the tower.

An unfamiliar feeling shot up its arm. Arashi squirmed and grunted.

_What is that?_

**Pain.**

_Bad?_

**Yes, pain is bad. Don't do that again, Arashi.** The voice warned.

The creature nodded its horned head and waited for the feeling to subside. A crack appeared in Arashi's mind; only felt, not seen or heard. An image slipped through, unlocked by the pain.

A small creature. Brown head. Red body.

**A girl.**

_Girl. _It repeated. The image was familiar, not because Arashi remembered it, but because it produced a physical effect. Its stomach bubbled with a feeling more uncomfortable than pain. Arashi knew it:

_Guilt. _

**Yes.**

All of a sudden, Arashi threw its head at the pillar with a resounding crack. The pain drove the image from its mind for an instant, but the girl returned quickly.

Arashi hit its head again. It wanted the girl gone from its memory…

**Cease.**

The voice controlled Arashi's limbs and held the creature still.

Pieces of bone dropped from its head and disintegrated, joining the sand on the ground.

Arashi's vision cleared, face now uncovered, and consciousness returned.

* * *

_I remember. I remember everything. _She whimpered. _Why didn't I forget?_

**Because it kept you human.**

_What? _

She looked down and sobbed. Her appearance was outwardly human, but the hole in her chest proved otherwise. She brought hands to her face. The right side was clean and smooth.

The left bore a rocky, unyielding substance. A mask. Or, what remained of one - a chunk of an extra jawbone, and five pointed teeth, sealed to her skin.

_Liar. I am human no longer._

**Draw me, and we shall see who is the liar.**

Arashi blinked with silver eyes.

_What?_

**Draw me!** It commanded.

Frantically, she searched, and found a foreign object on her hip. A zanpakuto. She drew it from its red scabbard without hesitation.

**Who else but a human could wield such a weapon?** The voice asked, resonating from the silver blade. Arashi observed the sword in wonder. The blade had a matching silver braid along its hilt, red diamonds beneath. The tsuba gleamed in the moonlight - a bent, diamond leaf that curved up, then down like a gentle ocean wave.

Despite its beauty, Arashi found it within herself to jab back at the voice in bitterness.

_I am an Arrancar, then. Far from human. It looks as though you are still a liar._

**Fool. What Arrancar possesses free thought? Or the memories of their human lives? Perhaps you are a hollow in spirit, but in mind, you remain evermore human.**

Faces flashed before her - the girl first, then her parents, their comrades, her classmates... She truly did remember everything.

Arashi gazed in awe at the blade, and still she felt no need to speak. Or perhaps her voice no longer worked. She pulsed her reiatsu.

_May I be granted the honor of knowing your name, great spirit of this zanpakuto?_

**I am merely Ren, the Lotus.**

_Then Ren, if I am truly as human as you say, can I return to the World of the Living?_

It waited for a moment, weighing the possibility.

**Yes.**

_And could I… return to my body?_

**No.**

It seemed a little too fast with its answer, which aroused her suspicion.

_Are you sure?_

**No, I am not. ****It has never been attempted.**

_So it's possible?_

**Why would you want to live inside your corpse? **

Arashi took great care in formulating her answer.

_It would be like a second chance; another life, with the power to help people._

Ren almost seemed to appreciate the sentiment.

_So, could I do it?_

**Not without arousing suspicion. ****Physically, you are still a hollow. **

Arashi frowned. It _would_ be unusual, to say the least. Provided she found her body, if she were to suddenly rise from the dead, her parents would ask so many questions, each one unanswerable. The lies would compound themselves until, inevitably, she made a mistake. If this form were revealed to a soul reaper, they would attack without hesitation or provocation. Even her own parents would kill her on sight.

_So I have to stay here? _She asked, crestfallen.

She felt Ren deliberate.

**You will need to learn how two things. How to use me, and how to quell your desire for human souls.**

_What?_ Said a breath of her wind.

**Here, you are safe from hunger. There, you would face constant, uncontrollable cravings.**

_Like an alcoholic in a liquor store. _She thought back, despite herself. _I am an addict now, I suppose._

**I could help you.**

Arashi's glinting eyes narrowed at the blade.

_Why would you make such an offer?_

**An Arrancar's zanpakuto is the concentration of his hollowfied power. I am no exception. Since you are more human than hollow, though, at this moment, I am the embodiment of your good heart.  
**

_How?_

**I am you, as you were. **It replied simply. **The desire for humanity flows through me as well.**

She thought on that for a moment.

_Then I have you to thank for keeping these memories?_

**You may thank me, but you will find that the memories were unlocked by you.**

_No._ Arashi disagreed. They were not her doing; she had regained her identity only through pain and guilt - through that dead girl.

**I told you before. The guilt you bear is not your identity.** It knew her well, and the burden she carried.**  
**

She sank into the sand, grasping at her clothes. _And neither is this. I deserve to be human again, if only to help atone for my actions. Could you help me get my old life back?_

**Yes.**

She almost hugged the blade in thanks.

**However, if you were to release me, I would become monstrous. And so would you.**

The newborn Arrancar froze in horror. It seemed to her that, to unlock her powers, meant irrevocable corruption of her soul. She bit her lip.

_I can't use you, then. _She made to sheathe the sword; a vibration in the hilt made her pause.

**There is a way to counteract this, if you will listen.**

Arashi nodded slowly and lowered her arm.

**It will be difficult, but it can be done - you will have to learn to reign in your hollow side.**

_It seems impossible._

**It can be done!** Ren asserted. **Do not lose hope.  
**

It sounded desperate, even sad. It compelled her to nod, and smile a bit.

_Teach me, then. I'm not going anywhere for a while.  
_


	5. Return of the Panther

**Return to first-person.**

* * *

_Return of the Panther  
_

**Again.**

I huffed and swung Ren. A gust of wind burst from behind and swirled up a cascade of sand. It reached a distant tower before fading.

_Ren, can we stop?_ The wind said.

**No.** Was the pithy reply. **Again.**

_My arms feel like jelly; can we do something else? Or - and I know this is a dirty word - relax?_

Ren mulled it over. **Yes. **My heart leapt. **We can try something different.**

I groaned, sheathed it, and cricked my neck.

_Bring it on, flower power. _I smirked with a pulse of reiatsu. If a sword could have eyes to roll, Ren rolled them.

**I see you've regained your casual sense of humor.**

_I'm an Arrancar. _I grimaced. _I'm not made of stone._

I waved my arms around a little to loosen them up. _What are we going to do now?_

**Soul reapers call it flash step, but Arrancar call it "sonido".**

_Why? _My eyes went to the distant tower on the horizon.

**For some reason, everything is different here.** Ren sighed. **Now, concentrate all of your reiatsu in your legs-**

I flashed across the sand. For an instant, black and white blurred together before I stopped - on top of the tower.

**Good.** Ren said, not the least bit surprised.

_You could at least _act _impressed._

**Where would be the fun in that? **It joked. **Besides, this is far from mastery - let's try again.**

"_Let's" implies "let us", but it looks like I will be doing most of the work here. _I was tired and a little snippy, so Ren left me alone. I felt lighter without the presence in my head, all of a sudden. I swooned and shook my head. Were all zanpakuto spirits like this? Did they fill a kind of void in their wielder? For some reason, the thought gave me hope.

I focused my reiatsu, and flashed down to the sand; then up the hundred feet, on top of the tower. I flashed down again. I paused to catch my breath and clenched my shaking hands.

How would kido work in this form? I wondered. I was honestly curious. Glancing over both shoulders, I put my hands together and poured a small amount of reiatsu into them.

For the first time since my transformation, I felt the need to speak. Kido needed an incantation, after all.

"Bakudo, number 33: Sokatsui."

Nothing happened.

A small breeze, and nothing.

I realized I hadn't actually said anything - I had mouthed the words. More frustrated than scared, I tried again.

"Bakudo, numb-" I stopped; again, I was only mouthing the words. Fear took root in my sternum and blossomed, stretching through my body.

I couldn't speak.

Panicking, I put a hand on Ren.

_Ren! Ren! Why can't I say anything?_

It was slow to wake up; my heart pounded out five seconds before-

**Perhaps the vocal cords are the least developed organs in a hollow; I would be patient. Start with simple mouth exercises.**

And then: **Don't panic.**

It left again.

"That's a big help," I mouthed.

I swallowed dryly, took ten deep breaths, and worked my mouth for a solid half-hour.

"Gah."

I almost sprang into the sky in happiness. It was a stupid, puerile sound for babies, but I had never been so overjoyed to hear it out of my own mouth.

It took me another half-hour to say:

"Finally!" But it sounded more like, "Fai-na-wee."

So after apparently mastering the English/Japanese language for the first time in my second life, I made the poor decision to try Bakudo again.

"Bagudo, numphah firty free: Zogasui!"

In the end, I was lucky the botched spell didn't take my face off.

* * *

The huge explosion seared red in my eyes and threw me back a half mile, cartwheeling the whole time.

It dissipated quickly, but left every inch of exposed skin burning. I smelled burning hair; my braid, turned silvery white during the transformation, was singed. I lay in the sand for a minute before, inevitably-

**What in God's name was that?**

I winced.

_I tried a kido, and it sort of… blew up._

**Sort of? We'll be lucky if the thing didn't attract every hollow in Hueco Mundo!**

_I'm sorry, Ren._

**Don't apologize. **It sighed and reigned in its temper. **I need to teach you how to cloak your reiatsu, **_**fast**_**.**

I already knew how to do that, but I let Ren explain; talking helped to calm the spirit down. I followed its exact instructions and took off, smoldering tower and smoke in my wake.

**Now sonido.**

I obeyed and vanished for a moment. The world came back into focus, and I looked back. The explosion was much farther behind. I allowed myself a small sigh of relief before turning back around - right into an Arrancar.

* * *

The guy was tall. The top of my hair only came up to his collarbone, and I'm five-foot eight. For a moment, all I could see was his chest; then I slowly looked up, and saw his face. A half-mask on his right cheek. Blue hair.

_Nice eyes._ I thought; I was speechless, but still bitterly sardonic in my head.

He grinned and unveiled his reiatsu.

Unable to breathe, I sunk to my knees and clutched at my throat. My fading eyesight captured his feet before blurring.

"What have we got here?"

Burning tears rolled down my cheeks as I gasped for air, lungs shrinking.

"A little baby Arrancar? Tell me, did you make that explosion back there?"

I didn't know how my ears still worked with all that blood pumping through them; I felt deaf to everything but his voice.

He grabbed my throat and, dimly, I could tell he used sonido before my back crashed into a sudden wall. Pain split all along my spine and it felt as though I was breaking in two.

"Hey, lady," he snapped, "don't go passing out, now."

His hair really was electric blue; it reflected the moonlight and stung my eyes. I fought against my closing lids.

"I need you to tell me something."

He didn't seem to understand that he was choking me. My brain observed this and told me to use my reiatsu to make some wind. Or maybe it was Ren; I couldn't tell. But my reiatsu was exhausted from training.

Pushing out the last bit of air in my lungs, I whispered:

"Blue, you're choking me."

My voice was working correctly, at last. The secret was a small amount of reiatsu in the lungs. I pondered that discovery like a hanged man in a noose for a few, agonizing seconds.

Blue huffed and lessened his reiatsu, but didn't let up on my throat. I inhaled sweet, cold, Hueco Mundo air through my nose.

"Tell me, lady, how did you get here?" He flashed those pearly white fangs of his.

"Died," I hissed, rationing the remains of my reiatsu; I could last a short conversation if I gave quiet responses.

"Idiot," he snapped, and the hand tightened. "I mean here! Las Noches!"

"Nachos?" I muttered.

"This!" he made a vague gesture with his free arm, and I strained my eyes to look around. We were on the doorstep of a palace. Or an infinitely-high wall. It was difficult to tell.

"No one else lives here; no one else can even _be_ here," he said.

"Thought you brought us here?" I choked. Hadn't he used sonido a second ago?

"That tower you destroyed was one of the four pillars," he insisted.

"But there was only one-"

"Shut up!" He pulled me towards him an inch to slam me back against the wall. The impact knocked the wind out of me with a grunt. "How are you here?"

I collected from his expression that he meant "how did you die".

"No konso. Guilty conscience-"

This made him pause, and a grin split over his pale face. I would've swallowed in terror if his hand hadn't been on my throat.

"I get it. You're a _criminal_."

My stomach caved in. "No-"

He released me and I hit the ground hard. Pain rattled my skull. I peeled myself off the hard floor and leaned against the wall. Ears ringing, I heard a muffled voice.

Blue clapped his hands loudly.

"Hey, do you remember anything?" he repeated, grin somehow wider. His green eyes glinted like a big cat after prey. I looked away.

"Everything," I muttered.

"Interesting. You wanna share?"

I got the distinct impression that it wasn't a request. It struck me as odd that an Arrancar of his power would want to listen to a story like mine, but then I remembered what he'd said - no one came to Las Noches anymore except him. Was he lonely? At the very least, he was alone.

**Arashi, I think he wants to be entertained.** Ren advised quietly from my hip.

_You've been awfully quiet. _I scowled.

**Don't let me break your concentration; here.** The hilt pulsed, and I felt a trickle of energy flow into my veins. Ren had lent me a small amount of its power. I breathed, and found myself able to speak easily.

_Thank you, Ren._

"It must be boring out here," I said, casually as I could.

He frowned. "You have no idea."

"I do, actually," I replied and massaged my throat. "It must be why you resort to choking everyone you meet."

For some reason, that made him smile.

"Careful, now," he warned. "I don't want to kill you before I hear your story."

"Why _do_ you want to hear my story?" I heard myself mispronounce "story" as "sto-wee", but it was slight, and he didn't seem to notice.

"Need something to pass the time," he said vaguely.

My eyes narrowed.

"I'm serious!" he insisted. "I'm bored as shit, and I need someone to fight."

"Someone to fight?" I echoed.

"I already killed the other Arrancar here in Las Noches," he smiled. "So now, it's your turn. But I can't do that while you're crumpled up on the ground. Tell me your story, recover your reiatsu, and then I'll kill you." Blue said all this with startling nonchalance.

"And for a second I thought you were civil," I sighed, smirking despite myself.

"I'm letting you live a little longer," he grinned. "That's about as civil as I get."


	6. A Story for Blue

**Ara makes an... acquaintance.  
**

* * *

_A Story for Blue_

"I was raised in a weird house," I began. Sensing his impatience, I elaborated. "My parents were soul reapers, stationed in the World of the Living, when they fell in love. A few months later, they'd settled down in some gigais, and then they had me. Ever since I could walk, I could swing a sword, ever since I could talk I could chant a kido. I was different from the other kids, but also special. I knew that.

"But one day, after school, this hollow appeared and started chasing me. I got trapped, and I thought it was over, but instead it went for the soul of this little girl. I watched her fall down, and then… I pulled myself free, and I ran away as I listened to her dying."

Blue looked unimpressed, but I kept going.

"The next day, my parents came home after filing a report with their captain, and… I don't know why, but I didn't tell them about the girl. Guilt, I guess."

He started to disinterestedly pick his teeth. I glared at the moon.

"The day after that, another hollow appeared - or maybe it was the same one, I don't know - and it ran me through. Killed me right on my doorstep. Plain and simple. Showed up in Hueco Mundo a minute later."

"That's it?"

"The abridged version, yeah." Not that I could elaborate without draining my precious reiatsu reserves.

"Wow, that was really boring."

"I never said it was exciting," I scowled.

"I thought you did something terrible. You just let a girl get killed? Fuck, I've killed more girls than I can count," he smirked.

"That's not the point," I snapped.

"Pray tell, what is the point?" he drawled.

"Death; moving on," I forced. "It's not what you do, it's how you feel that makes the difference."

He threw back his head and gave a piercing, bark of a laugh.

"Hah! I like you! Keep saying funny things like that and I might have to keep you alive!"

I bit down on a diatribe while my stomach bubbled.

"Listen, Braid," he said, and I consciously tugged on my hair. "I don't know if you realize this, but you're here because no one gave a shit. You said you died on your doorstep? Somebody must've been home, right? Then boom, you're dead, no konso, no happy ending. You're an Arrancar now because nobody came to your rescue."

"I'm an Arrancar because I'm paying for what I did," I shot back, but the statement lacked resolve. He pounced on my weakness.

"You're only paying for everyone else's hatred of you," he said with a cruel smile. "Nobody ever liked you."

He was wriggling his way inside my head.

"That's not true."

"It is true," he smirked. "I bet mommy and daddy were relieved to see you gone. Think about it - two soul reapers having a kid? That has to be illegal."

"It isn't. It was their gigais-"

"All the evidence of their crime washed away," he said with an easy wave. "Nothing to discover, not even in the Soul Society. Ingenious, don't you think? Sending their kid to Hueco Mundo forever, left to rot as a hollow, no way to escape. If you did make it to the World of the Living, they wouldn't even recognize you. Bam." He shot a finger gun at the moon. "They'd kill you again."

"You're really starting to piss me off," I growled.

"Lady, I'm not even trying that hard. You should try yoga; loosen up."

I turned away.

"None of it matters anyway," I muttered.

His eyes flicked to me.

"That's all in the past," I said. "Even if all that crazy stuff was true, it wouldn't matter."

He arched his eyebrows. "Oh yeah? Why not?"

"The future is my only concern."

"Says the lady with the guilty conscience," he said.

"I didn't say it would be easy moving forward. Just that I'd do it."

A thought suddenly occurred to me. "Hey, Blue." He turned his head.

"What?" He looked like he was teetering on the edge of irritation.

"Did you ever try to go to the World of the Living?"

He seemed to find that very funny; he flashed a prideful grin. "Seriously? I'm the reason Karakura is full of so many goddamn craters. Well, only half of them are mine…"

"Karakura?" I echoed. "That's-that's where I'm from!" I instantly regretted those words.

His eyes widened. His hand shot out and grabbed my throat again. He picked me up and shoved me against the wall - again.

"Hey!"

"Do you know Ichigo Kurosaki?" he asked. All traces of his lazy, bored grin were erased from his face. Green eyes narrowed.

"Who?"

"Ichigo Kurosaki!" he repeated. "Do you know him?"

"I - I don't know!" My brain went into overdrive, but turned up empty. "The name is-isn't familiar." I gasped for air.

"I need to find him!" he shouted, baring his teeth.

"What - what does he l-look like?" I choked.

"He's impossible to miss - bright orange hair, black robes!"

"I know a kid with orange hair-"

"Where is he?" he screamed.

"Still there, in Karakura, I think."

He released me.

"You really like choking people," I coughed. I looked up, and covered my head just in time to shield myself from the blast of a cero.

Blue screamed and held his hand out - but it wasn't pointed at me. He aimed the gathering red beam at Las Noches itself, and fired.

I curled into a ball and rolled to avoid falling rubble.

Another earth-shattering explosion.

And another.

Finally, Blue stopped, cast his arms apart, and roared.

"GODDAMN IT, ICHIGO!"

I drew in my knees and waited for his anger to subside. I had to wait a long time.

* * *

A sharp nudge in my back; Blue kicked me.

"Hey, Braid," he growled, still fuming.

I decided it wasn't wise to play dead with him, and uncurled.

"You're going to help me make a Garganta," he commanded.

"A what?"

"It's a portal. We're going to the World of the Living."

My eyes widened. Was I really going home?

"I'm going to find Ichigo Kurosaki and kill him."

"Why?"

"None of your goddamn business. Just stand up and hold out your arms."

I did, slowly. He took up a mirrored position thirty paces away.

"You're probably wondering why I can't do this by myself?" he assumed correctly. "It's because of that little punk."

"You're going to kill him?"

"That's what I just said."

"What will you do if you don't find him?"

"Then I'll kill you."

I gulped. "Glad I asked."

**Arashi, you aren't ready to go back. You're still recovering from the transformation-**

_Ren, does it look like I can say no to this guy?_

**No, no it doesn't. Just be careful; don't turn your back on him.**


	7. Forward

_Forward_

Pouring our reiatsu into our arms, we ripped open a hole in space - a swirling, eyeball-shaped rift of black matter. The World of the Living was really through that? My hope slipped a rung.

"Been waitin' a long time for this," Blue said. His brow creased; mouth peeled back into a gruesome grin.

"You coming?" he snapped.

Exhausted, lungs drained of energy, I settled for a nod. He leapt inside; with some trepidation I followed. There was no alternative.

I landed on a rough patch of blue glass - upon further inspection, I realized it was Blue's reiatsu, coarse and unrefined, but still a solid bridge.

The hole blinked shut behind us.

We were shrouded in total darkness, except the dim glow of the spirit bridge. Blue turned his back to me.

"If you can't keep up, you die," he said with relish, before hopping into a sprint.

I sneered silently and lurched forward. Fair enough.

I kept pace with difficulty. Exhales and inhales would have been louder, but my voice box had dried up with my reiatsu.

Blue had a tattoo on his back, right next to the hole in his abdomen - a black 6. A nickname, or a rank? A brand? I didn't have time to dwell on it. My foot caught on a rut and I hit his reiatsu.

He didn't even twitch, just kept running ahead.

I huffed, scrambled to my feet, and lunged back into a sloppy jog.

* * *

The Garganta opened on the east side of Karakura, by the high school.

_My house isn't too far from here. _The thought was wistful and sad. I couldn't risk being seen by my parents - or anyone, for that matter. Not until I had my body back; not until I could completely conceal my dark aura.

"Ah the memories," Blue said, inhaling the night air. "Braid, take me to Ichigo's."

I tried to say, "I don't know where he lives. Why do you expect me to know everything?" But it came out as a series of quiet wheezes and grunts; I groaned and collapsed.

"Hey, get up!" He aimed a kick at my side, but I rolled away. His heel caught me and slammed down on my sternum. "Do you even know where he is?"

"No!" I shouted.

"Well then you're going to help me look for him," he said and let me up. "We'll split up. You find him, send up some reiatsu, boom. You're done, home free. But if you bolt," he took a step forward, "just know I'll track you down."

A quick, blue flash of a sonido left me alone.

The alley we'd found ourselves in was lined with garbage and old newspapers; I picked up a new-ish front page.

_Only a week._ I thought in relief. _I've only been gone a week._ If mom and dad had gone through with their well-established death contingency plan, my body was buried already. There were a few cemeteries around; I knew all of them. I had been a weird kid, and those cemeteries were like second homes to me. The souls there gave me… perspective.

It wasn't safe to sonido with so little energy, so I crept between shadows, made my way, carefully, to the closest grave site.

* * *

_This town has too many cemeteries. _I thought bitterly as I left the third to head for the fourth. I was aware of the dwindling night; in daylight, it would be nigh impossible to hide my movements, even while cloaking my reiatsu. And I also had Blue to worry about.

**Arashi.** Ren whispered from my hip.

_Ren! Where have you been?_

**Weak. **It replied. **If you bond with your body, it might conceal your presence.**

It was the news I needed at that moment.

_I hide from the soul reapers, hide from Blue, and get my life back just like that?_

Ren didn't respond; it had sunken back into an exhausted stupor. But I knew I was right.

A ripple caught my attention - a familiar, rough energy pricked the air behind me. Blue. He was making trouble, that much was evident if he wasn't bothering to conceal his energy. But I had to find my body!

Crossroads: find my body and hide, or investigate and… try to reduce the damage? After all, it was my fault Big Ol' Six was even there, but could I stop him? Certainly not; it was a losing battle. The situation reminded me of that night on the street, with the girl; I couldn't do anything that time either, and I had run.

I turned around, kicked up some dust, and ran to Blue.

* * *

Barely a minute later I found myself outside the 'Kurosaki Clinic'. Without pausing, I barreled through the front door into a living room.

"Who the hell is _that_?" a small girl with an attitude griped from behind the couch, as if she'd asked the question once before. I didn't reply, only sprinted up the stairs.

"Ichigo, you've got another one," she called. I froze; so it was true - this was Ichigo's house. My heels dug into the steps and I shot through the hallway, right for the source.

I pivoted and broke down the door.

Blue had Ichigo by the throat, and was holding him a foot off the ground.

"Nice to see ya, Ichigo," the Arrancar grinned. "Miss me?"

The orange-haired young man looked confused, and a little scared.

"What the hell is going on?! Karin, come help me!"

"I can't believe you, Ichigo," Blue growled. "Asking for your baby sister to help you? That's pretty low, even for you."

"Karin!" Ichigo called again, and Blue shoved him into the wall.

"Shut up and fight me, you weakling!" he screamed.

Something seemed off. Ichigo wasn't responding to his shouts, not even flinching, as if he couldn't hear them, and his eyes didn't seem focused.

With the last bit of my reiatsu, I gasped. "Blue, put him down."

His lazy grin turned to me and he stopped mid-throw, about to toss Ichigo out the window. My next words were interrupted.

"Ichigo!"

Karin stood in the doorway, agape at all of us. Her presence was substantial, impressive for someone of her age. I looked from her to Ichigo, then back again. I felt her reiatsu, and Blue's, but the older brother felt akin to a single drop of water in a bucket.

"Karin, what are you seeing?" Ichigo choked.

_He can't see us. _

"Arrancar," Karin said limply. Her knees buckled.

"What?! Why didn't you say so?!"

"Gimme a break, I wasn't paying attention!"

"You know I can't see, so you have to be on alert all the time!" Ichigo shouted.

"Can't see? What the hell are you talking about?" Blue asked. His arm shook with reiatsu and anger. "You're a goddamn soul reaper, Ichigo, now fight me!"

"He's not!" Karin yelled. "He lost his powers!"

A pin dropped. Green eyes flicked from Ichigo, to the girl, back to Ichigo again. I watched him glare at Ichigo's unfocused, brown eyes for a tense minute. I cast a nervous glance at Ichigo's sister that she didn't return.

"What's he saying now?" Ichigo asked.

"Nothing; he's just… glaring at you."

"Karin, who is he?"

"He's got a creepy grin-"

"That could be _anybody_-"

"And blue hair."

Ichigo started and gripped the arm that held him. His face twisted into an angry, shocked frown.

"Grimmjow."

Of course I knew that "Blue" wasn't really his name, but "Grimmjow" seemed to fit almost too well; it sounded like the growl of a predator, some kind of big cat or a rabid wolf.

"Why would he go and do a stupid thing like that?" Grimmjow finally said.

"What?" Karin said.

"How did this happen?" he hissed, eyes clamped shut. "How did he lose his powers?"

"He fought Aizen," she replied. The name rang a bell; hushed whispers between my parents, visits from other Squads, extra barriers on the house…

"He did _what_?"

"And he won," Karin said. Her chest swelled with pride. "He sacrificed his powers to save us."

Grimmjow grit his teeth. "Then there's no point." He threw Ichigo across the room like a rag doll and stood there, stoic. "Braid. Get ready to die."

The force of his glare pushed me into a wall. "What? But you found him," I said in a small voice.

"No, I didn't. I found a dumb, blind human who's a disgrace to his name. As far as our deal is concerned," he jutted a thumb at Ichigo, "you're dead."

**Arashi, draw me now!**

I ripped my zanpakuto out of its sheathe just in time to block a blow - Grimmjow had pulled out his sword too fast for my eyes to catch.

**This isn't a fight you can win. Run!**


	8. The Captain

**Back to the present.**

* * *

_The Captain_

I stared out my bedroom window, contemplating the events of the past few days. Legging it out of the clinic, I'd managed to stumble upon my own funeral procession - talk about luck - and convinced some of the most experienced soul reapers that I was really a benevolent soul recently returned from the dead. Naturally, they'd asked a lot of questions, but I couldn't even get out any lies before my parents stepped in to usher them from the house. According to mother, I "needed serious rest", and "prodding questions wouldn't help."

The other Arrancar preyed heavily on my fragile mind, torturing me with paranoia and constant vigilance. I hadn't slept since my return.

And there was something else; a growing pain in my stomach, a sort of gnawing itch that clawed at the undersides of my skin. I felt prickly and warm all over, except for that one spot of cold in my chest - slowly, it migrated downward, and centered over my abdomen. Even though I resided in my human body, I knew my hollow hole had moved. It was as if it had detected the turbid irritation in my stomach and drawn itself closer to feed - to suck away the pain until nothing remained.

I clung to the pain, fearful of the emptiness. I could not return to the darkness. I would endure the pain a thousand times over before I succumbed to nothingness.

A knock came to the door and it cracked open.

"Ara," mom said quietly, "would you like to go to school today?"

"Yes," I replied with a slight smile that vanished upon the closing of the door.

* * *

Things packed up, I headed for the school on a different route from usual, and felt the flicker of reiatsu around me. Before panic set in, I realized that they were soul reapers; they had been assigned as my tracking detail, helpfully out-of-sight.

When you get declared legally dead and suddenly come back to life, people look at you differently. My story was popular among the soul reapers, but my mortal classmates didn't know what to make of me. I felt their eyes follow me as I took my regular seat, calmly opened my textbook, and fixed my attention on the teacher.

It would be a long first day back.

* * *

The bell released me. I almost pelted out the door, but since I had dignity, settled for a brisk walk. Once out of sight of my classmates, I turned a corner and punched the wall blindly. My hand came away fuzzy and blurred to reveal a miniature crater in the brick. Until that moment, I hadn't realized how angry I'd been; had I been like this the whole day? Had I snapped at people? Like my vision, the events of the day were unfocused. Was I being careful enough, or was I paranoid? The pain in my gut rose up, not for the first time, and I stuffed it back down.

Where was Grimmjow, or my entire detail for that matter? There was no reiatsu in my immediate vicinity, so where had everyone disappeared to?

I left the wall and went on my way in a new direction - through an alley, down a street of empty warehouses.

A whine caught my attention; my head snapped to the source: a small crying boy lying in a heap of dirty paper and garbage. His smell disgusted me, but I felt intensely alert and curious all of a sudden. He saw me and quieted.

As if in a trance, I reached out with a pale arm and held him up by his small, fleshy neck. A trembling little thing, with a pitiful spark of life. A small candle, begging to be snuffed with a breath of wind. Brown eyes looked down on me with something akin to intelligent honesty; they engulfed me.

I set him down and pivoted.

"Go find your parents," I advised quietly.

I heard something crumple to the ground, and turned around, head cocked to the side.

"Hey, kid, get up."

The sight and smell of him clawed at my throat, tickled just under my eyes.

"Get up."

I blinked briefly, put a hand over my nose.

He was limp... lifeless.

A putrid desire to smile overpowered my face.

"Oh dear," I grinned and put a hand over my heart in mock-seriousness. "Are you dead?"

My keen ears didn't detect the pulse of blood in the boy's veins, nor the beating heart.

"I've killed another one," I giggled.

But as blood drains from a corpse, the malevolent nonchalance seeped out of me. My head shook back and forth of its own accord.

"No."

The silence pumped through my ears; the stillness of his body sent wave after wave of frozen horror through my bones.

"No."

I could've collapsed, if my knees hadn't locked and started to sway.

If the sudden explosion of reiatsu hadn't racked the ground and sent me stumbling away, I would have stood there for hours.

* * *

I found Captain Kuchiki lying in a pool of his own blood on a street I'd walked countless times. His comrades and his attacker were nowhere to be seen. Fear rattled me, compounding the sight of that child, and I shook him.

"Captain! Captain Kuchiki!" I shouted. His bleary eyes closed, then opened.

"I require aid," he managed to say. I knew him to be a man of immense pride, so if he was saying that, he was already far gone.

"What happened?"

"A former Espada scattered our forces," he spat. His hand clutched suddenly around the hilt of his zanpakuto.

I hesitated. "Espada?"

"A powerful Arrancar."

There was no doubt in my mind it was Grimmjow.

"Captain, my house is very close; can you hold on until we get there?"

A forceful exhale, a gentle lolling of his head. I took it as a yes, but really, it didn't matter.

I grit my teeth, biting back tears, and pulled him over my shoulders. I lifted the veil off my reiatsu for an instant, pushed it to my legs, and flashed home.

My parents weren't there; had they been called away to deal with Grimmjow? The thought threw yet another grim dagger at my heart.

I dashed to my room and set the Captain on the bed. Every bit of clothing, it seemed, was soaked with blood; I peeled his haori off and draped it over the desk chair. His kimono came off with a terrible, wet sound and revealed gaping wounds that he had had no right to survive: four, foot-long, inch-deep rips across his chest, as though he'd been attacked by a wild animal. He breathed slow and ragged breaths, but still breathed. I pried Senbonzakura out of his fingers, observed its length for damage; red, and unharmed - I took its scabbard from Kuchiki's obi and sheathed it, and placed it deliberately beside him.

Looking him over once more, I swallowed and retrieved a large first aid kit from under my bed. I propped it open on my knee and set to work suturing the cuts; I felt like I was trying to pull together two sides of a canyon.

Byakuya Kuchiki danced, rather gracefully, between life and death frequently that night. While I had access to fresh blood, it wasn't safe to conduct any transfer; I didn't know his blood type. He had to suffer a pitifully low blood level for the time being; nausea; fever; restless, nonstop pain. Fun, fun, fun for the Captain, but nothing he wasn't used to, I was sure.

The sun set, and he stabilized. I left to make myself some tea - the ritual calmed me.

I rushed back to my room.

Byakuya Kuchiki was Captain of Squad Six, my parents' squad. If he died on my watch, because of an Arrancar that I'd unleashed, the consequences would be dire.

* * *

He kept me up all night, not that I had been getting much sleep lately, anyway. Eventually, the hours crawled by and the sun rose again. I watched his gray eyes open.

"Glad to see you're still with us," I sighed.

He sat up and glanced around my room. I handed him his clothes.

"I washed them after you stabilized." Saying this, I realized my own clothes had crusted over with his coagulated blood.

He put them on carefully, testing the reach of his arms now that his chest was held together with reishi stitches.

"What happened to Grimmjow?" I asked, helping him pull an arm through a sleeve.

Steel shards examined me. "He attacked and scattered us; judging my reiatsu to be the strongest, he challenged me. I became severely wounded when the rest of my squad appeared and pushed him back. He retreated behind the city line; it's likely the rest of them are still setting up barriers as we speak," he relayed. "And it appears I overestimated my ability to recover from these wounds."

I nodded and inspected the stitches again.

"So tell me, if you found me in this weakened state, why did you not finish the work your comrade started?" he asked.

Muscles froze, breathing stopped.

Blood pumped loud in my ears.

"I resent the implication," I said as if I were in a movie, but the statement lacked resolve, lacked the true genuine shock of someone accused of a crime of which they were innocent.

And innocent I was not.

He knew. I knew that he knew, and he knew that I knew that he knew.

"Do you now, _Arrancar_?"

After a dry gulp, funnily enough, I felt the cliched desire to laugh like a villain. I didn't though, since he terrified me into stony-faced submission.

"What gave me away?" I asked, jaw clenched.

"Three things. First, at the graveyard, I detected conflicting energies inside you. Ichigo Kurosaki's reiatsu was once similar, reminiscent of an internal battle between a hollow and a soul reaper. Yours is between a hollow and a human. It is remarkable that you have lasted this long."

I filed away the knowledge about Ichigo somewhere in my mind.

"Second, when you took us here, you did not use flash step. You used sonido," he said.

Had I really been so careless? I wracked my memory; I had been desperate, and terrified, and hadn't given the act a second thought.

"And third, just a moment ago you mentioned Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez by name without hearing me speak it first, which tells me you two are somehow acquainted. I suspect he is the reason you returned to the World of the Living. Or, perhaps the reverse is true. Nevertheless, the names of the Espada are need-to-know only, kept secret among the Gotei Thirteen. No soul reaper would have revealed it to you."

My heartbeat was surely audible by now.

"Now, I repeat my question: why did you refrain from killing me? And why did you put my zanpakuto within reach?"

I raised my head, eyes narrowed by the anger of a cornered beast.

"I thought you were smart," I sneered. His brow creased. "If I did all this," I pointed to his wounds, "it means that I don't want you to die."

A small pause.

"Even more, I don't want to be the one who kills you. I don't want to kill anyone." My mind all but screamed "_else_ \- I don't want to kill anyone _else_."

"Am I to believe that is why you returned to your human body - because you do not wish to bring harm to anyone?" he asked, devoid of emotion.

"Yes."

"If you think you have any choice in the matter, you are truly a fool," he said with detectable venom. Before I could reply, he continued:

"You are an Arrancar, a hollow that has evolved into a cheap imitation of its former self. You are hiding within your own corpse, Arashi Yasu, and your basest instinct - the need to bring death and destruction - will not suddenly abandon you because of momentary resolve. Your determination has only brought you this far; no farther."

Captain Kuchiki put a hand on the hilt of his sword. He stood in a fluid motion.

"I must admit to exaggerating my condition somewhat," he said. "I wished to ascertain your true motives. Now that I have done this, I see you are little more than a naive child with access to far more power than you can control."

The glint of his sword, the dull luster of his eyes, the soulless, black kimono - all burned into my eyes as a solid afterimage when I blinked up at him. Quiet tendrils of reiatsu emanated from his skin, a silent assault and my will.

I hung my head. The child today had been a sign, a symptom of a larger problem. I was dangerous. Biting down on my lip, I sunk to my knees and brushed the hair away from the nape of my neck. He didn't move; he was waiting for an explanation. I had one.

"Today," I said, "I murdered a boy in cold blood. I watched myself do it, and laughed." I had lost the will to argue. "I would rather die as I am now... than as a true monster."

Thankfully, he couldn't see the tears on my face as they dripped into the carpet.

Cold metal brushed my skin. I shivered.

Captain Kuchiki said, "Prepare yourself."


	9. Happy Thoughts

_Happy Thoughts_

Senbonzakura sang as it descended, the last thing I would ever hear.

I started at the clang of metal on metal; the sound shattered my eardrums. I didn't dare look up to see the new presence in the room.

"Am I late?" a voice said; a perky tone mixed with a lazy cadence.

"What are you doing here, Kisuke Urahara?"

"Who, me? I'm here to check up on Miss Yasu; after all, she is a unique case. I couldn't live with myself if she came to any harm!" came his response. The words themselves indicated that it was a warning, but Urahara's voice remained nonchalant.

"So tell me, Captain Kuchiki, why is it you're holding a sword to her? One might think you were about to execute my test subject."

_Test subject? _It turned my stomach, but at the moment, I would accept anyone's help.

"She is a danger to herself and others," Kuchiki said. "This is the only solution."

"Now, now, we haven't assessed all of the variables," Urahara disagreed.

"She must die. End of discussion."

Kisuke ignored him and touched my shoulder. I looked up at his face - kind, and framed with blond bangs.

"Arashi, could you take us to the boy?" he asked gently.

"The boy?"

He nodded. "I heard everything. There's no need to be afraid."

That was a lie. Insides turned to lead, I stood up and did as he asked.

* * *

The sight was far worse the second time. I averted my eyes, favoring the the grimy newspapers that lined the ground. Kisuke unfurled a fan, perhaps to avoid the stench, and twirled his cane. Captain Kuchiki said and did nothing; the implication was there. The boy was dead, and I a murderer.

Without a word, Kisuke stepped forward into the alley, holding his cane in a strange fashion. One hand at the hooked end, he pulled the shaft away to reveal the blade of a zanpakuto. He brushed away some rubble. There sat the soul of the boy, clean-faced and smiling, a chain hanging from his tiny chest.

"Don't worry. You are bound for the Soul Society," Kisuke said. He tapped the tip of his sword on the boy's head. A glowing blue kanji appeared at the site, and he vanished. Kisuke sheathed his sword.

"Captain," he said, turning around. "Perhaps you'd like to explain why Miss Yasu left this soul here without devouring it."

Captain Kuchiki didn't respond.

"Arashi?" Kisuke asked.

"I-I didn't know he was there," I stammered.

"See, I think you did, but after you killed him, you were so horrified by what you'd done that you snapped out of a feeding frenzy and fled the scene. You were so ashamed, you didn't even bother to eat the boy's soul."

"That is speculation," Byakuya finally spoke.

"Captain, you wound me! When have I ever been wrong?" Kisuke replied facetiously. "But even so, she's my responsibility, true?"

"For the moment," Kuchiki admitted. "However-"

Urahara drove the end of his cane through the back of my skull, and I found myself disembodied - a pale Arrancar staring at her own body. I shot him a shocked expression before gazing down at my body. My outfit had changed from a shapeless white robe to a tight-fitting halter top and wide skirt. It bared my midriff to show a large hole situated between my naval and ribcage. My legs were clad in high, white boots.

_Is that a cape?_ Came an offhand thought as something billowed out behind me.

"_However_," Kisuke said without paying me any attention, "she's an Arrancar with a mind of her own. No ifs, ands, or buts. Team Twelve has jurisdiction." He still sounded playful, despite the situation.

"You forget - you are no longer the captain of Squad Twelve," Kuchiki replied.

"No, but this letter from Mayuri Kurotsuchi gives me authority over strange and unique objects in the World of the Living." Kisuke pulled out a piece of paper and grinned.

Byakuya's eye narrowed to dark slits.

_Object?_

**Arashi, good to hear you again. **Ren said. I smiled at its hilt and ran a finger over the tsuba.

_You too._

"If you doubt me," Kisuke said, "just take a look." He pointed at the end of the paper. Three strange, green spots, and a smear of something red. Blood?

"That's his signature," he grinned.

Captain Kuchiki's gaze went to me.

"Very well. You are responsible for this thing." He left with a snap of his haori.

I'd bound his wounds, and he didn't have the decency to use my name? _You're welcome, asshole._

**Don't take it personally.** Ren advised.

_Too late._ I growled.

"Miss Yasu, this way," Urahara said with a gracious wave.

I tried to speak, but nothing came out. Then I remembered my reiatsu trick.

"Where are we going?" I asked, a small wind at my back.

He didn't answer my question.

"Oh, fascinating," Kisuke observed. "You can only talk when you focus energy in your lungs? I've never seen that before."

"I'm full of surprises," I grimaced.

"It must be a condition - I've never seen another Arrancar speak in that way," he smiled and put his cane over one shoulder. "Now, I'm sure you're wondering why I've spared you."

"I'm unique," I replied dully.

"Exactly. If you'll permit me, I'd like to run some preliminary tests at the shop."

"How could I say no?" I mumbled.

Urahara grabbed my body by the scruff of its sweater and pulled it away with a flash.

* * *

**Next, Grimmjow attacks.**


	10. Battle

"This isn't your shop."

Kisuke tilted his head.

"No, it isn't, I just thought we'd make a quick stop here first."

It was a giant, translucent barrier so bright when I blinked I saw orange. And it wasn't around the city, like Captain Kuchiki led me to believe. Five walls, plus a ceiling, around an empty area of ground.

I summoned a nervous breeze. "What… what's in there?"

Dumb question, his eyes said. "Take a look."

I stepped closer, and something hit me hard in the back. I stumbled forward, fell through the air, and hit the ground face-down.

"Oof!"

I got up and dusted myself off. Then I froze, and realized that I was now looking at the barrier from the inside.

"Kisuke," I said warily, unsure of where to look; the walls were thicker and more opaque from this perspective.

"Sorry about that," came his muffled voice, "I just want to see what happens. Think of this as an impromptu experiment!"

_He wants to see how I react to being caged?_ I thought, and turned in a full circle.

**Arashi, we're not alone.**

My stomach flipped and something started to seep in my chest - panic.

"Kisuke," I repeated, higher, more desperate. "What are you doing?"

A flash of blue sent me flying against the barrier, sprawled vertically, suspended by a single hand on my neck.

Grimmjow didn't glare so much as he directed an expression of pure, unfiltered, unintelligent rage right at my face. Two ice blue, slit-pupiled eyes and a peeled, fanged mouth. I had only just noticed his change in appearance when he pulled me away from the wall and hurled me through the air. He did it easily, like he was tossing a tennis ball. Barely half a second passed before I flew into the other wall and fell to the ground.

"Kisuke!" I screamed. "Help me! Do something!"

"Sorry. Can't interfere; it'll taint to results!"

My body finally caught up to current events and dashed out of the way of Grimmjow's next assault. Asphalt and dust exploded. Tiny rocks stung my skin. I bent double to protect my head and shouted at the spot Kisuke's voice was coming from.

"This isn't exactly a balanced experiment! You aren't in control of the variables; how the fuck could you replicate the results of this?!" A small whirlwind accompanied these words.

Funny how the stress made me remember middle school science class, but not how to break a barrier - or placate a raging panther.

Grimmjow rose from his earthy crater, white plates turned brown with dirt, ears twitching. He swung around to face me, long hair whipping, and vanished.

A tickle at my chin, and then I was soaring up, blinded by pain - skull pulsing white-hot. Another wisp of wind, this time at my shoulder, and I went spinning back down, cracking into the street.

I saw black.

It took me a painful second to realize I hadn't passed out; I was just facing down.

_Get up. Get up get up get up…_

Coughing, shaking, I rolled over and stood. The second I did, a shockwave scream ripped through the air and blew my braid apart; I clapped my hands to my ears. Grimmjow quickly stopped. White hair fell lank around my face.

**Arashi!** Ren shouted, and the white noise in my mind cleared.

_Ren?_

**Draw me, damn it!**

I looked at it dumbly. Grimmjow roared again and gathered a cero in his hands.

**NOW!**

It suddenly became clear that Ren had the vague voice of my angry mother. My lips twitched, almost made a smile, before my sword started to yell at me again.

**Ara, so help me-**

I ripped Ren into the open air just in time to block Grimmjow's hand, catching in between his thumb and forefinger. A black talon grazed the tip of my nose.

"Ha-AH!" I screamed. I shoved my shoulders and he slid back, toes clawing ruts in the road. He hissed, tail snapping, and launched another blow. I caught Ren in one of his elbow blades. He pulled and the sword was wrenched from my hands; it flew away; I heard it clatter to the ground somewhere out of sight.

I dove wildly around him. A black paw slammed down on my back and I met the ground again.

He gave a harsh laugh of victory. I twisted face-up, and drove my fists into his leg.

"Get off of me!" I screamed with a burst of cold wind. Grimmjow was unimpressed. He lashed out with his other foot and I went tumbling away.

Then I saw it. My heart leapt - he'd kicked me right to it. The red diamonds in the hilt of the blade seared into my eyes - it was so close now. His shadow fell over me and I felt his reiatsu grow and concentrate. He was readying a cero. Desperately I reached; every inch like a hundred miles across a black desert. My fingers touched braided linen.

A screech tore itself from my mouth as I grabbed and swung. I felt Ren tear seamlessly through the air before the barest, slightest drop in velocity; it resumed speed before a sharp, crunching stop.

I'd slashed in almost a full circle and embedded it in the ground.

I was staring at Grimmjow, now, eyes as wide as his, mouth slightly ajar.

That small drop in velocity, I realized, had been Ren cutting through something.

And suddenly, I knew why his cero hadn't blasted me apart.

Blue eyes and silver eyes moved down in unison, first to the bleeding stump, and then to the ground, at the severed, black hand.

At the moment, Grimmjow was a complete animal - running purely on instinct. And right then, I saw an instinctual fear in his eyes; in his state, he couldn't have had a clear, decisive thought, much less spoken an intelligible sentence. But those eyes clearly said: "Please, don't hurt me."

His fear turned almost instantly to rage, and the moment of hesitation cost me my advantage. He roared and unleashed a barrage of kicks and punches that sent me in and out of consciousness more times than I dared to count. Over and over he bore down on me, throwing relentless and inhuman blows with the strength and feel of cannonballs. I didn't have the energy to block or make a sound.

The hits came slower and slower, more forced, before Grimmjow stopped, shoulders heaving as he panted. I couldn't see the barrier anymore; my vision had faded away and turned black at the edges. I could only see blue and white.

Why was I still standing?

**Arashi. **Ren's voice was dim, now, all but lifeless.

It was by sheer stupidity, or frozen fingers, that I hadn't yet dropped my sword.

Ren's reiatsu dripped like ice water from the hilt into my veins. My arm moved on its own and stabbed straight down. The sword stuck in the ground.

I couldn't bring myself to fight Ren's influence, but I was confused.

_Ren?_

My finger trailed down the blade and a bead of blood followed. Prickling cold snaked into my chest and lips; my mouth opened.

"**Ascend: Loto."**


End file.
